Everybody! You know how you're on Facebook, yes? I need a favour. A teeny, tiny favour that will take but four clicks of your mouse finger, and if all goes to plan, will send me to Electric Picnic. I would be most indebted to you all if you would be so kind as to vote for me in a competition on Ye Olde Book of Faces.
Just click HERE and go through the Start My Design and Irish Residents Only pages (because this appears to be a lie, as people outside Ireland have been able to vote) and a Gallery button will be in the top right corner.
For those of you that have already been hounded by me on Facebook, I apologise for flooding Red Lemonade in general and whoring out the blog to meet my own needs with this hustling for votes carry on. I'm probably being silently defriended over it as I type. Anyway, if you've already voted then I thank you most sincerely. Help me get to Electric Picnic y'all!
Also I'm pretty sure that the guy in second place kicks puppies. Like this one.
The new A-Team movie is shite. Sorry. But the good kind of shite, in that I enjoyed its shiteness and was in good form leaving the cinema. Unlike Kick Ass, where the Bear and I were just annoyed afterwards and stomped home angrily to rewatch the new Star Trek so we would have seen at least one good film that day. We had to give up on our game of taking a drink of Coke every time they said "plan" though, or we all would have had to leg it to the bathroom halfway through and might have missed some of the many many montages, terrible lines (for example: "Damn I'd forgotten how beautiful you are" - how Jessica Biel didn't laugh in his face for every take I'll never know) or the bit where Hannibal disguised himself as Liam Neeson.
But I digress. For you see, back when the rumblings and casting choices of an A-Team movie were doing the rounds, a friend of Billy Flag's (whose name I can't remember) told him the best ever possible idea ever in the world ever for an A-Team film. Ever. Gather round.
The film starts with the team (the original cast, mind) being arrested, black-bagged and shipped off to Guantanamo. A montage shows them being tortured, waterboarded and what have you and explains that in the process of all this hardship, Hannibal dies.
The screen fades to black.
20 years later.
Obama comes into power and decides to release the prisoners, so we see the doors to each of their individual cells slide open with a loud metallic bang. They walk out one by one, squinting in the light, hug each other in relief and look sadly at the door of the cell that held Hannibal. However, a fifth door is heard opening. They stop, and look around at the doorway, trying to make out who this fellow prisoner could be. A lone figure stands in the shadows and slowly emerges, one step at a time. The camera pans up to reveal....
......
FUCKING MACGYVER
That's who, bitches.
Now you just try and tell me that's not a film you'd pay good money to see right now.
I passed one of these new bubblegum pink Absolut ads that seem to have popped up all over the shop lately and noticed down at the end of the photo, the line "A vision from Zooey Deschanel and Ellen von Unwerth" and thought...que? That Barbarella-styled blonde in the 1960s sci-fi outfit is quite clearly not everyone's favourite ridiculously beautiful cool girl Zooey. But that, in fact, turns out to be the case. I quite like the look of the whole thing, although I'm not convinced that the uberpouty mouth is altogether right. It reminds me ever so slightly of Ducky from The Land Before Time.
She's in another Absolut ad looking more like herself as a blue feathered showgirl-type bird of the sexy variety in a gilded cage, which I'm also rather liking.
It's not just Zooey that's taken to flogging vodka though, as there's a series of ads featuring Kate Beckinsale looking foxy in an Attack of the 50ft Woman style shot, also going blonde-and-therefore-near-unrecognisable in a psychadelic swirly setup and vamping the bejaysus out of it as a ridey Bloody Mary. Hot stuff.
Although it's now August and technically Autumn, this particular month is always regarded as summer, is it not? It is by me. Which makes my latest purchase all the more pre-emptive, it being a coat more suited for winter style weather and general coldness. But whilst wandering around TK to the Maxx and being relieved that it wasn't frantically mobbed, (I can last about four seconds in there when it's busy before I want to start kneecapping folk) I came upon this coat of loveliness in a fetching military green for €50.
I can't wait for winter so I can stalk the streets of Dublin pretending to be a Russian spy. Keeping with the Soviet theme, I came upon this t-shirt in Penneys for a fiver (a FIVER like, Jaysus I love Penneys) which cheekily rips off Alexander Rodchenko's Shout poster.
Since we got our sexy table, the Bear and I have had to balance our cups o'tay on various old issues of Style magazine or whatever else came to hand, to avoid the heat from the mugs messing with its lacquered surface. So when we came upon these cheeky pin-up girl tiles at a market in Amsterdam, they seemed like the perfect method of not melting Greta Garbo's face with tea. Success!
At the same market we also picked up this 1950s style table lighter for a scandalous €2. You're welcome, sexy table!
Amsterdam. Quite the delightfully crazy bitch of a city. The craic quota was well and truly through the roof for our week of mischief. It was just me and the Bear for the first four days, with the rest of the twenty-seven strong group arriving for the weekend with the excuse of a birthday loosely holding together the idea of a massive session in ye olde Amsterdam.
Antics included:
* Being generally amazed at the gorgeousness of the canals, narrow streets and the demented angles that all the buildings seem to lean at.
* Trying to decipher what flavour the bright blue ice cream with "smurf" in its name was. We never did figure it out.
* Finding it really quite difficult not to stare at the particularly hot lingerie-clad ladies in the neon-lit windows as we ambled past. And equally difficult not to stare at the rather more robust ladies that take the Sunday morning shift.
* Giggling our way around the Sex Museum, which really just amounts to a badly organised collection of things with naked people on them. Good for a laugh though, and true to form the man on the ticket desk made sure he got a good look at my boobs on the way in. In fairness to them they had some nice cheeky advertising for their 25th anniversary, when the Bear came across this coin in his change at one point:
* Learning a total of five Dutch words. Kangarooballen, slagroom, aardappel, bioscope and winkel. Which mean space hopper, whipped cream, potato, 3D and shop, respectively. Needless to say, I wasn't exactly engaging in any Dutch conversations during my time there.
* Waking up to find that both the Bear and I had been playing host to a mosquito orgy over the course of the night, as our arms and legs became the new Amsterdam hotspot for them to party down at. The tiny winged bastards.
* Cycling in a wobbly and momentarily terrified manner (as I've been cycling in or about four times since I was thirteen) to the Anne Frank House. Whilst queuing, the Bear asked me if I had read the book, to which I replied; "No, but I know the story. Y'know, from the bit with Peter in Family Guy." I kid, of course.
* Screaming our collective tits off on the mental rollercoasters in Walibi World, a former Six Flags park about an hour outside the city. There's nothing quite like being flung upside down and hurtling through a corkscrew bend before breakfast.
* Commandeering the couches by the window in the somewhat crack den-like surroundings of Hill Street Blues, as Deadly Jumper Boy asked me what the story was with my Jessica Fletcher obsession. Seeing as he's as yet unaware of this here blog, this was based solely on my Facebook updates. He doesn't know the HALF of it.
* Fisheye tomfoolery courtesy of the Lomo camera that Santa was nice enough to give me last Christmas. It was my first go with it, so the results aren't exactly spectacular or anything, but it was certainly fun to use.
The Bear and I got back from Amsterdam yesterday, having survived seven days of Dutch shenanigans. The subsequent time has been spent in a heap on the couch, catching up on telly (Britain's Next Top Model, The IT Crowd and the really quite good nudey-fest Spartacus: Blood & Sand), other blogs and finishing the Steig Larsson books (which I am loving despite myself and my previous condecension for this idiot Girl Who Plays With Matches and Kicks Bees In The Face. I'm totally sold). Between that and being practically asleep at my desk for the most of the morning today, proper blogging will have to wait just a little longer. Soon my pretties. Soon.
At a birthday party a while back, Dave Flag and I bonded up a storm over heavy metal and the fact that we had both attended Ozzfest in 2002, getting to see Drowning Pool before their lead singer snuffed it a few months later, just HOW AMAZING Slayer were and how nobody really cared that Ozzy didn't show up.
The conversation eventually led to us agreeing to go see Sepultura in the Academy tonight, with the Bear in tow. As I drunkenly put it last Friday night while trying to explain them to one of the lads; "they're a Brazilian thrash metal band, and kind of like the Sugababes of metal". In that their lineup has altered somewhat over the years. I'm pretty sure that's where the similarities end. All I know is that the teenage metalhead/smiley-and-therefore-rubbish-goth in me is only delighted at the prospect.
Also, just to make things interesting, the Bear and I are heading off to Amsterdam tomorrow afternoon for a week. Manys the hijink to be had. Manys the hijink indeed.
Check it. New video from The Dead Flags for their ridiculously catchy song O My Love, O My God, off their equally fantabulous album, Gentlemen's Club.
One Saturday a few weeks ago, the Bear and I danced our bottoms off for two solid hours in The Joinery in Stoneybatter as part of the sexy crowd in this very video. We also ended up spending the following Sunday in unbelievable pain, taking turns to lie on the couch and wincing when we had to reach for the remote. The Bear messed up his neck for the day, but it made for some spectacular slow motion headbanging shots in the final cut, so it wasn't for nothing. Being a dancing girl in a video is certainly not as easy as it looks. Especially not the next day, when filming was followed by an almighty session. The kind where it's daylight when you're going home to bed. I do love that particular kind.
(Also, if you're looking for something to do of a Friday night, this Friday night that is, the boys are playing the Clockwork Apple show upstairs in Whelan's. Tenner in, 8pm. Do it.)
Whilst reading Go Fug Yourself recently for an occasional dose of bitchy fluff about famous people's clothes, there was a post about this Taylor Momsen bird. I reluctantly know that she is/was in Gossip Girl and now fancies herself as a singer or something. I wish I could be cool and not have a clue who she is, but I have a stupid ability to retain information about actors and actresses, to the point that I've been referred to as KMDb more than once.
Anyway.
In this particular post she was being berated for dressing like a skanky ho-bag, or at the very least for dressing wildly inappropriately for someone on the wrong side of statutory. Taylor's latest jailbait outfit included a pair of stripper shoes. And not just any kind of stripper shoes:
Stripper shoes WITH A BUILT IN TIP JAR. Seriously, click the picture to enlarge to see the dollars in the platform of her shoes. There's so many filthy euphemisms that could be made here about coin slots (which these shoes inevitably have), but I'm really not going there. While I do realise that these shoes are pretty knacktastic, quite a large part of me thinks that they're kind of genius and I really like them.
Birthdays are great, aren't they? People you like give you nice things and more often than not there's cake involved. And cake being involved in any situation is never a bad thing. (Go on, try to think of a situation where cake wouldn't be a good idea.) For my birthday this year, I absconded to Edinburgh for the weekend with seven foxy ladies, which totally beats last year, where Michael Jackson selfishly went and died the day before and stole my thunder. The absolute cheek of some people.
So I've decided to show off some of my lovely presents, including a stack of graphic novels and some rather brilliant DVDs.
The Bear went and outdid himself this year, (seeing as I'm so ridiculously gay for classic pin-up girls) with a 1972 Playboy collection of Vargas girls and a vintage deck of Vargas playing cards. Drool.
Oh, and Dita Von Teese button pins. Allow me to say - Schwing!
I can't even begin to describe how amazingly gorgeous every individual card is, so I won't. I'll just use this photo instead.
They just don't make sexy playing cards like they used to.
Back when the Bear and I moved into our deadly new apartment, we soon realised that we were without a coffee table, (or tea table really, since neither of us actually drink coffee) and an upturned cardboard box held together with tape from the move would only do for so long.
So we bought this retro expandy table off eBay.
Then, seeing as I have something of a penchant (that's right, penchant) for old pictures of sexy ladies, we bought a heap of vintage magazine pictures of Greta Garbo, Jayne Mansfield, Carole Lombard, Sophia Loren and Brigitte Bardot, also from the Bay of E.
The whole lot was then handed over to the lovely people at Pre Loved Style, who we came across at the Dublin Flea Market. They got to work tarting up our table and lo!
We kept the colour (and as it happens, the slightly more nekkid) pictures for the middle panel underneath. So now I get to put my cup of tea on Bardot's bare bottom. Which not many people can say.
Plus it also has that fantastic photo of Sophia Loren giving Jayne Mansfield's rack the dirtiest look EVER.
And we just can't have that, now can we? 
