Something Wicked This Way Struts

Last week it was announced that Liz Hurley has been cast as villain Veronica Cale in the upcoming Wonder Woman TV series, which has prompted me to lash together a post about my favourite villainesses. I've previously prattled on about my love for Disney's most magnificent bad girl, Maleficent, so to avoid repeating myself and in no particular order, I'll run through some of the other wicked women that tickle my fancy.

Bellatrix Lestrange (Harry Potter Series)


To be fair, at least The Wicked Witch of the West had an understandable reason to have it in for Dorothy. If some dozy redneck flattened your sister with a house, you wouldn't take it too well either. In Bellatrix's case though, she's actually just a demented lunatic, hell-bent on fucking up Harry Potter and his mates, played with delerious glee by Helena Bonham Carter in the series of films.

Ursula (The Little Mermaid)


Interesting fact - and by interesting I mean mostly pointless - the proper name for a half-octopus person such as dragtastic Ursula here is a cecaelia. (Which is awfully similar to my middle name, although I'm mostly certain that I'm not part octopus.) Try to work it into a conversation today. I dare you. Anyway, Ursula is a fantastically camp breed of sea witch, representin' for the big girls and going strapless in quite a bold move for a lady as meaty as her. Then again, who's going to tell her to do otherwise, when she's the kind of woman who'll take a foolish mermaid's voice and keep it as a bitchin' accessory without so much as batting a giant false (presumably waterproof mascaraed) eyelash.


She's also dynamite at makeovers, transforming herself into the sexy Vanessa in order to screw Ariel out of marrying Eric. Take that, princess.

Christine (John Carpenter's Christine)


Alright, yes, this one is in fact a car. A possessed Plymouth Fury to be exact. But still. She has a girl's name and she KILLS PEOPLE, so for the purposes of this list she counts as a villainess. When my brother and I were younger, Dad was trying to get us into horror films. One evening he rented Christine on tape for us all to watch, confident that his memory of it was that of a great scary film. Unfortunately, nostalgia must have warped and rose tinted his memory, because it really wasn't. I think we laughed for almost the entire thing, sure the premise alone is pretty hilarious as it is. To be fair, it does contain some spectacularly entertaining swearing, such as Christine's nerdy owner Arnie Cunningham being referred to as "Cuntingham". Lovely, shiny, evil Christine gets points for being an unusual sort of baddie, seeing as she's an inanimate, albeit waxed and demonic object.

Margo Black (Sweet Valley High Series)

She's not Elizabeth at all! LIES!

I've actually mentioned the delightfully and completely deranged Margo before in a Sweet Valley High post, but I just couldn't leave her out of a list of lady evil-doers like this. To recap, Margo is a total psycho who just so happens to look exactly like the Wakefield twins, Jessica and Elizabeth, who are gorgeous, blonde and generally awesome at life. Crazy Margo randomly sees a picture of Elizabeth in a Texas newspaper (even though the twins live in California) and promptly decides to kill her and take over her life. As you do.

Ah God, I love these Sweet Valley book cover paintings. The DRAMA! Marvelous.

Her plan ultimately fails though, and she gets pushed out a window by Lila Fowler, after a bit of standing over both twins, being all demented while caressing a butcher knife. But you just can't keep a good villainess down, and Crazy Margo makes a comeback with yet another Wakefield lookalike in tow. Come on! This time the diabolical wench plans to kill BOTH twins and with the new doppelganger, take over BOTH of their lives. Unfortunately, the new girl (who I think is actually Margo's twin sister...ah the complexities of a Sweet Valley story arc) mistakes her for Jessica and kills her in some haze of confusion, because to be fair, there are now FOUR identical girls running around Sweet Valley. And so Crazy Margo meets her demise. For now anyway, bitches.

Dutch Gold

Amsterdam. Quite the delightfully crazy bitch of a city. The craic quota was well and truly through the roof for our week of mischief. It was just me and the Bear for the first four days, with the rest of the twenty-seven strong group arriving for the weekend with the excuse of a birthday loosely holding together the idea of a massive session in ye olde Amsterdam.


Antics included:

* Being generally amazed at the gorgeousness of the canals, narrow streets and the demented angles that all the buildings seem to lean at.

* Trying to decipher what flavour the bright blue ice cream with "smurf" in its name was. We never did figure it out.

* Finding it really quite difficult not to stare at the particularly hot lingerie-clad ladies in the neon-lit windows as we ambled past. And equally difficult not to stare at the rather more robust ladies that take the Sunday morning shift.

* Giggling our way around the Sex Museum, which really just amounts to a badly organised collection of things with naked people on them. Good for a laugh though, and true to form the man on the ticket desk made sure he got a good look at my boobs on the way in. In fairness to them they had some nice cheeky advertising for their 25th anniversary, when the Bear came across this coin in his change at one point:


* Learning a total of five Dutch words. Kangarooballen, slagroom, aardappel, bioscope and winkel. Which mean space hopper, whipped cream, potato, 3D and shop, respectively. Needless to say, I wasn't exactly engaging in any Dutch conversations during my time there.

* Waking up to find that both the Bear and I had been playing host to a mosquito orgy over the course of the night, as our arms and legs became the new Amsterdam hotspot for them to party down at. The tiny winged bastards.

* Cycling in a wobbly and momentarily terrified manner (as I've been cycling in or about four times since I was thirteen) to the Anne Frank House. Whilst queuing, the Bear asked me if I had read the book, to which I replied; "No, but I know the story. Y'know, from the bit with Peter in Family Guy." I kid, of course.



* Screaming our collective tits off on the mental rollercoasters in Walibi World, a former Six Flags park about an hour outside the city. There's nothing quite like being flung upside down and hurtling through a corkscrew bend before breakfast.

* Commandeering the couches by the window in the somewhat crack den-like surroundings of Hill Street Blues, as Deadly Jumper Boy asked me what the story was with my Jessica Fletcher obsession. Seeing as he's as yet unaware of this here blog, this was based solely on my Facebook updates. He doesn't know the HALF of it.

* Fisheye tomfoolery courtesy of the Lomo camera that Santa was nice enough to give me last Christmas. It was my first go with it, so the results aren't exactly spectacular or anything, but it was certainly fun to use.

Valley Girls

So it appears that one Diablo Cody is set to make a Sweet Valley High movie. Internet folk seem to be divided in opinion that this will either be amazing and clever and a 1980s-set Clueless, or that it's going to be a complete disaster and travesty, quoting the fact that Jennifer's Body made all of $40 (give or take) Stateside as a reason. I for one am in the excited-and-think-it-could-be-awesome camp. I haven't seen Jennifer's Body, but I've read the woeful reviews it's gotten and reckon I'll give it a shot when it's out on DVD. Or download, if I'm to be honest. And I am, see? It might even be a pleasant surprise since terrible reviews tend to remove any expectations you have for a film so that if it makes you laugh even once you'll think, "Hey that was pretty good, actually!". Such was the case for me with Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull anyway. Despite Shia LaFuckface.


I really like Diablo Cody's writing style, I loved Juno (like everyone else in the world, pretty much) and her book Candy Girl, about her year spent as a stripper. So all this coupled with Sweet Valley High? Yes muthafuckin' please!

Growing up, I loved the Sweet Valley Twins series, and graduated to the High School books at the wise old age of whatever I was in 6th class or thereabouts. Ah, Jessica and Elizabeth, the supermodel-hot twins with eyes the colour of the Pacific ocean. Every time, the books would start with lengthy descriptions of the girls and their "long tanned legs", "peaches and cream complexions" and always with the eyes the colour of the flipping Pacific ocean, Alright, they're sexy, we get it! And Lila Fowler, remember her? What a bitch!

Just look at the big delicious Eighties heads on them.
I think someone needs to tell Jessica that Bill is more likely to break
HER heart when he reveals that he prefers to have sex with men.

Fantastic story lines though. The first great one that comes to mind is one that ran for a couple of books about some mentalist called Margo who just so happened to look EXACTLY like the twins, and had a nefarious scheme to KILL ELIZABETH AND REPLACE HER! The diabolical bint! Thrilling stuff it was. And perfectly realistic too. After a quick Googling it turns out that this was far from the only outlandish plot line in the series, oh no. There were elements such as:

* The twins battling a werewolf in London. Could happen.

* Jessica falling in love with a vampire. My, how very Twilight!

* The twins and friends being chased by escaped criminals in Death Valley.

* A former classmate of their mother Alice's luring them to a beauty spa with the intention of stealing Alice's face via a face transplant. WOW! I did NOT come across this one in the local library at the time. I'll bet it was before Face/Off and everything.

* Elizabeth receiving at least three marriage proposals before age 20.

* Jessica having at least five boyfriends who died in the series. She must be riddled. Get checked out, woman!

Christ, Jessica is at it again. The question here really isn't
"Is Jessica as grown up as she thinks she is?",
more like "Is her Freddie Mercury tache-sporting boyfriend
as straight as she thinks he is?"
Answer: No.

So there it is. Any one of those story lines could instantly make a movie. And it appears that some already have, albeit with different characters and settings and whatnot. So bring it on Miss Cody, I think it could be great.

Glen, Vampires and a Table Quiz

Things that happened.

> Got demented drunk on Arthur's Day, my new favourite pretend occasion. T Cup and I managed to procure tickets to the South William to see David Kitt sing songs in a corner and I tried to give the illusion that I wasn't totally excited that Glen Hansard was drinking right next to us outside Grogans for the remainder of the night.

Hi Glen! No, over here Glen! Gleeennnn!

> Woke up the next morning with an enormous mystery bruise on my elbow of all places and not the faintest idea how it got there.

> Attended the outdoor screening of Nosferatu in Dartmouth Square on Friday night, a live band were playing the music for the film but I couldn't see the Engrish subtitles of the German intertitles what with all the heads in the way. Also, the two reincarnated meerkats in front of me didn't exactly help matters, springing up as they did every twenty seconds to read said subtitles and block my view in the process. If they were real meerkats it probably would have been all cute and endearing but in real life it was just a blonde bird getting in my damn way everytime. The film was quite good and still rather spooky, what with the mad scary head on him and all.


> Managed to soak my phone in cheap French rum (damn you Tico Tico Rhum Brun!) on the way to an outdoor Dead Flags gig in Ranelagh Gardens on Saturday. It's still a bit hungover and threw quite a few tantrums but I *think* it's almost back to normal now. Phew.

> Came 32nd in the Ray Darcy Show All Ireland Table Quiz last night with Team Dreamy Sleepy Nighty Snoozy Snooze (consisting of mise, T Cup, Miss Dizzle and Mazatron). Met lovely Lottie, ate lots of free wine gums and learned that Frankfort is in fact the state capital of Kentucky.


The end.

Teddy Bears Picnic

Oh Electric Picnic. Fun despite the freezing cold wind and welly swallowing mud and sideways rain. It went something like this...

- Shouting "He's behind you!" at an unsuspecting onscreen Linsday Lohan during I Know Who Killed Me in the Cinema Tent. Which, by the way is the most awesome terrible movie I've ever seen, it's destined for cult status and should be screened like a panto with designated crowd actions, à la Rocky Horror. The Bear decided it was the second worst Lindsay Lohan movie he's seen, in which she plays a twin of herself.

- A can of cider and muffins for breakfast? Don't mind if I do!

- The Bear taking part in a sack race in the Village Green, and managing to wangle himself a yellow 3rd place rosette, even though he ended up getting a face full of Stradbally mud in the process.

- Bopping my face off in the Crawdaddy tent to the amazing Miss Imelda May while drinking Southern Comfort and apple juice with ginger beer, which incidentally is tasty as fuck.

- Catching a bit of Jape, more so to see the guy in the band who apparently looks EXACTLY like the Bear. He really does, as it happens.

- Spotting Aisling O'Loughlin off Xposé, who then put on a hat and sunglasses after she caught me looking at her. One pint of get over yourself, please.

- Being told by a random guy called Dave (I think) that I reminded him of Florence, she of the Machine, although that was undoubtedly more to do with the fact that I have a fringe and was wearing a glowstick headband and sparkly things on my face at the time. And he may not have been entirely sober.

- Frolicking through the lovely forest to find Tucan playing on the Salty Dog shipwreck stage.

- Realising that 2 Many DJs are in fact AWESOME-O.

- Being delighted with myself for choosing a chicken pie with mash and gravy from PieMinister because if food could taste like a hug, I believe this would be it.

- The Sugarhill Gang playing Billie Jean as a Jacko tribute and saving Rapper's Delight to the end, amazing!

- Being jealous of kids who managed to get a hold of the giant yellow balloons from the Flaming Lips set. Which was fantastic, trippy and superfun.





So...back to real life then. HA! I think not, eloping as I am to France for a week on Saturday with the Bear to attend his friends wedding. Hooray! Suck on that, reality!

Professional Avoidance

Watching far too much Murder She Wrote.

Making Rice Krispie buns.

Reading, nay, LOVING The Princess Bride book.

Spinning around in my lovely anchor dress.

Making orange flavoured Rice Krispie buns after having a dream about them.



Anything to avoid looking for a job.

Spain In (As Small) A Nutshell (As I Can Manage)

Apart from the English classes and evening activities with the kids, there were shenanigans aplenty for us teachers this year in Summer School. Such as...

Midlands Man who spoke at 100mph having to go to hospital with appendicitis in the second week, which subsequently led to a game of Pin the Appendix on MM one night.



Dizzy Redhead getting in a fight with a local skanger for kicking the window of her car and getting punched in the face for her trouble.

Grouchy Dude swearing like a sailor and scandalising the other girl teachers with his liberal use of the word cunt. He also got his cock out one night while wearing a dress (there were two priests and a monk in the room at the time, but like me, I think they only saw his arse) and lacerated his eyeball on the second last night with a piece of straw from a sombrero eating incident. He spent the next three days mostly blinded and with a bandage over his eye. I probably shouldn't have told some of his students that his eye had to be popped out and now he keeps it in his pocket, especially since little Jaime with his blue glasses looked like he was going to cry after I told him. Oops.

The Girls playing Wii Bowling against the priests and monitors outside when the kids had gone to bed, but all GIANT ON A BIG SCREEN! Amazing! And we won too!



Loopy Limerick Lass scoring three different fellas out one night, and getting a mortifying surprise during a crisp factory tour we had one Wednesday with the kids when she ran into one of them there, as that's where he in fact worked.

Me drinking so much of this deadly Spanish rum one night that the barman gave me a free one and I sang Love Shack all by myself for everyone when we got back to the school.

Everyone drinking so much of the aforementioned rum, €4 supermarket vodka, cheap wine, lethally strong but exceptionally tasty punch and one night in particular, an actual BUCKET of Mojitos (which I made sure I was sitting next to) that there were plenty of hangovers such as this one:



Oh and on our last night, most of us had gone to bed by 12.30 seeing as the night before had been a session that lasted till 6 in the morning, 7 for some. However the priests and a few of the monitors had other ideas, in that they arrived up to our rooms at 1.30 to bang on our doors to get us up to drink with them. They also stole everyone's left shoe at one point, played Suck & Blow with us, threw the Limerick Lass into the pool one night, tried to throw me in the following night and insisted on teaching us a Spanish song at 2.00 one morning when we were all exhausted and just wanted to go to bed. But they wouldn't let us.

Yeah, priests and a monk played Suck & Blow with us. Hilarious and downright weird.

Espcially since I was standing next to the monk.

Magic Shoooes?

Hello my chickens.

I've been off the radar with the last while due to that old unemployment chestnut and a not always reliable internet connection at home. So when I haven't been jumping through hoops for the dole office to prove that yes - I'm still me and no - I don't have a job anymore, here's some of the things I have in fact, been up to.

- Kissing plates of agar at the Science Gallery exhibition, Infectious. Here's mine and the Bear's lovely delicious bacteria a week or so afterwards.


Mmm, sexy! So who wants the shift then?

- Had a brilliant idea after hearing a story about a prank some lads played on their teacher; they stole the gates to his house and put them on a train to Galway, so the next logical step is to make a film out of it to rival Snakes on a Plane. Wait for it...GATES ON A TRAIN. Box office gold, and you know it.

- Went on the lash in Sligo and sweated the vodka and Lucozade out of my system by trekking through The Glen in wellies the next day. I say trekking, I really mean squelching through mud and climbing over bits of trees and getting a bit stuck in said mud on more than one occaisson.


And most importantly, this rather magic of places is where this legendary ad was filmed.



Jealous? YEAH. You should be. It was deadly.

Quotes of the Weekend

A bag of pick 'n mix from the last three days...

"You could go around making people cry and then lick the tears off their face."

"But then the problem would be that I'd want to raise the kids Jewish and he'd want to have sex with men."

"They probably wouldn't sell as much honey if it was called Bee Poo. We're on our Bee-poo moon!"

"A pounce of cats?! That's so much better than a murder of crows!"

"Is anything on fire? No? Ok then let's go."

"Happy VD everybody!"

"Right, at the next red light we all get out and swap seats."
(We did.)

"That was some try. He should be allowed go for a wank now. He deserves it."

Plastic Trees, Poker and the Bunny of Death

Kitty's Christmas holidays consisted of:

- Coming to terms with the fact that we had a fake tree at home for the first time EVER. It actually looked really good, but it's just not the same without the piney smell.

- DEADLY Christmas presents. Everyone was on form this year!

- A night at home in which 34 assorted relatives came over for turkey, potato stuffing and poker. There was a chocolate fountain and I had my ass handed to me in the poker, which I'm blaming on shite cards.

- Missing my bear of a boyfriend like mad for the week I was home and making up for it by sending him durty text messages.

- A night out with the girls from school who I hadn't seen in about 2 years or something ridiculous like that. By closing time at the pub, me and AA were the last two standing out of the group and decided to go on the absolute rip in one of my hometown's two fine nightclubs, the one I had never been to despite it being open for about 7 years by now. English accents were the theme of the night and every second person at the club was someone I had been to school with, although none of them recognised me at first.

- Said night culminating with me crashing on a couch in the foetal position with a blanket pulled over my head as there was a little black bunny on the loose in the room and I didn't fancy waking up with him on my head. I thought we'd become friends but I awoke the next morning to find he'd bitten a small hole in my bag. Possibly to get at the pink lollipop I'd forgotten about, or possibly because he was just a malicious little fucker.

- Spending the second week with Himself in Dublin drinking, in bed and watching The Sopranos. Sometimes all at once.

- A trip to Westport with Himself and his brother, aka The Loudest Man In The Universe* to meet approximately 3 million of his bonkers-but-lovely relatives, including The Parents.

- Discovering a hidden talent at hula hooping on the Wii Fit. Can't hula hoop for nuts in real life but on Le Wii I kick serious ass!

Lovely! But now it's back to work. Boo.

*Seriously, he's so loud that mid-conversation at Electric Picnic, I realised that the box in my hand that I was eating a pie out of was vibrating as he was talking.

K

Here Come the Girls

At the behest of Miss Annie, this is my list of lovely lady crushes in no particular order.



Yet another vote for the gorgeous Zooey Deschanel. Beside her is Emily Booth, who I got a super girl-crush on when she presented OUTthere and Shock Video Massacre on Bravo. The only blonde to make the list, Brigitte Bardot, well duh I mean LOOK at her. Another retro crush, Sophia Loren - especially in that photo, it's like vavavoom was invented to describe her. Electro-rock hotties Robots in Disguise, the ridiculously ride-y Megan Fox, then Rosario Dawson, who is super cool for appearing in Clerks 2 and Sin City. Pin up legend Bettie Page and finally, the sexy biatch that is Monica Bellucci.

Looking at it now, it would appear that I have a thing for dark haired girls with fringes and a big rack. How about that.

K

Fat Guy/Hot Wife Syndrome

After reading Maxi's durty post about sexy cartoon girls and the fact that Marge Simpson seems to love fat, bald men, I got thinking that there's loads of other fictional couples where the girl is the hot one and could probably do a lot better, yet she stands by her unreliable, often chunkier and occaisonaly less intelligent man. Aaw.

Exhibit A: Lois and Peter Griffin


What's the deal here? Lois is a foxy ex-model but married to a bloke with testicles on his chin. Takes all sorts I suppose.

Exhibit B: Wilma and Fred Flintstone


Kinda like the Bedrock version of Lois and Peter, average guy married to cute (not to mention extremely tolerant) redhead.

Exhibit C: Carrie and Doug


To me, King of Queens is usually Last Resort TV or just something to watch for a few minutes during ad breaks, and I'm always struck by how hot Carrie is, compared to Doug. I'm a sucker for funny guys and there's not many comedians I wouldn't quite happily go for, so clearly she's also a girl who can be laughed into bed.

Anyway, there's probably loads more but it was just a thought and y'know I've got work to be doing and all that...

K

Little of column A, little of column B

Bringing me down (to Chinatown)
The All Ireland. Disaster. I've been trying to avoid news reports all day but can't help catching the odd detail of the Cats' return to Kilkenny. Broke my feckin heart they did.

The fact that my bag and everything in it now smells like yoghurt, thanks to a contained explosion of Fruit of the Forest this morning.

It's still only Monday.

That some little scumbag sucker punched my Dad at the Debs (he's the principal) during the week. Now, I'm not usually one to condone violence but that fucker has hopefully got all kinds of pain coming his way.

Making me smile
I beat the boyf and two of his mates at Wii Bowling yesterday, having never played it before and it was my second time ever playing the Wii. It temporarily made up for the crushing defeat in Croker, witnessed only an hour or two before.

It's actually sunny out. Who knew?

Stepbrothers. It's really stupid but quite funny all the same.

My hot date with T Cup on Friday. We're going to see No Man's Land in the Gaysh Theatre, it's starring Michael Gambon and David Walliams, no less. Cos that's just how we roll, baby.

The Mighty Boosh in the Olympia on the 17th. Booked my tickets in February. Obsessed much? A much too much.

K

Wait for me!

Yeah, I'm a bit late to the party on this one. Anthony, Darren, Lottie and Annie all have lovely mosaics and I'm jealous so I did one too. Rules as per T Cup's postaroony.

What is your first name?
What is your favorite food?
What high school did you go to?
What is your favorite color?
Who is your celebrity crush?
What is your favorite drink?
What is your dream vacation?
What is your favorite dessert?
What do you want to do when you grow up?
Who/ what do you love most in life?
Choose one word that describes you?
What is your Flickr name?

Ta daaa



That cat is so friggin cute I want to smush his little face!

K

Somewhat smitten kitten

We both tie our laces the same way, that is making two loops and knotting them together. That's how Dad taught me to tie my shoes and I never met anyone else who did it like that.

He can spell. T Dog has pointed out many times that I'm something of a grammar nazi (her words) and I can't help it. I'm a teacher's daughter (in fact, two teachers) so that's my excuse. Bad spelling drives me crazy.

He didn't confuse my Cheshire Cat teddy with Bagpuss, as many people have done before. Yes, these are the sort of things that matter to me.

He can drive. My friend N and I were talking about this last week and agreed that it's very attractive when a boy can drive but we're not exactly sure why.

The sex is so good that after the first time, I couldn't feel my face.

Guess what?

I've actually got a boyfriend. Fuck me, how did that happen?

K

When. Will I. Will I be faaamous?

It's my first ever meme! I've seen a few floating around before and been kinda like someone who isn't invited to a house party and just sort of looking in the window to see what the craic is, so danke schoen to Miss Lottie for cracking open the bathroom window and letting me sneak in. So I must now cast the people to be in Kitty Cat: The Movie. Here goes.

The Rules

List the people who would play you, and the key people in your life.
Give credit to the person who tagged you.
Link your answers to the original blog, www.iramble.co.uk
Tag four new people to participate

Me!



Hmm. When I was little my Dad's art students used to rave about how I was the spit of Hannah in Neighbours. Funnily enough, I got braces around the same time as she did. So for the flashbacks maybe something could be done with old footage of Neighbours, dubbed over with a Waterford accent. Sort of like Soupy Norman but probably not quite as funny.



More recently though, I've been told I look like Alyson Hannigan (Yes, her of the band camp shenanigans. And out of Buffy), which could work as she does the whole awkward, not knowing what to say, kinda nerdy girl thing nicely. Failing that, I wouldn't mind Zooey Deschanel giving it a whack, since she's got the big eyes and quirky thing going on, and she's superhot with nice hair so I'd look good! And my fringe is a bit like hers in this photo:



My homies



T-Dog could be a tricky one. She changes her hair every four minutes or so, and it always suits her so maybe a lady like Brittany Murphy could pull it off. (Plus she came up as a match for T, if Bebo pages and myheritage.com are to be believed) She's also cute and a bit small, well able for sarcastic one-liners, bags of attitude and could play the relationship coach that T has become quite well. ie "No! You're NOT to have sex on a fourth date!"



LLM is a cute, big bear type of fella and looks a bit like Justin Lee Collins but smaller, less beardy and not as much gruaig. Plus he's funny so I reckon JLC could do the job.



My mate P-Fish from college is a dead ringer for Colin Farrell, and was told as such by one of our lecturers. Although his actual words were "a gay Colin Farrell". So Col would have to brush up on his ability to put on camp voices and act the maggot. Oh and lose the Dub accent for something more Corkonian.



I reckon my Grandad could be played by Dominic Chianese, aka Junior Soprano, seeing as he actually looks a bit like him (Grandad has nicer glasses though) and I'm from one of the biggest families in my hometown and he's at the head of it all, like a Mafia don. But one who smokes cigars and goes set dancing twice a week.

Supporting characters



Russell Brand could play himself for the scene where I meet him at his book signing. Except this time maybe my Alyson/Zooey incarnation would have something clever and funny to say when he went "mmm!", looked at me like you'd look at a nice cake and told me I had great tits, instead of giggling like a teenager and being unable to say anything but "um...thanks!"



I want David Tennant to be in it somehow. He could be the guy who I buy a Yop from in Spar or something, I don't care, he has to be in it one way or another, and he will. Oh yes indeedy.

Right then, I'm going to ask T Dog to give it a whack as well, and since I don't think very many people read this blog, maybe Conor, Catherine or Manuel will give it a lash if they drop by.

Cut!

K

Some things I didn't know this time last year

1. That a Sweet Home Alabama ripoff would be stuck in my head 90% of the time.
2. That Professor Dumbledore was gay.
3. That Eva Longoria sits at home scoffing Magnums on the couch.
4. That interstitial is an actual word.
5. That I would be strangely attracted to James Corden.
6. Who Miley Cyrus is.
7. That nobody cares if you lie on your CV.
8. That I would be unable to finish a list on an odd number.

So there you have it.

K