Fifty Shades of Tedious Fuckery

My angry blog posts about Fifty Shades of Grey have been the most popular things I've ever written. So here they all are together, for your enjoyment as I rant, swear and spit my way through the worst book ever written in the history of humanity.


Volume One

Volume Two 

Volume Three

Volume Four

Volume Five

Volume Six

Volume Seven

Volume Eight

Volume Nine

Volume Ten

Volume Eleven

Volume Twelve

And now there's more! 

Because I'm an idiot who doesn't know when to stop, I've also recapped the second book, Fifty Shades Darker.


Volume One

Volume Two

Volume Three

Volume Four

Volume Five

Volume Six

Volume Seven

Volume Eight

Volume Nine

Volume Ten

Volume Eleven

Volume Twelve

Volume Thirteen

Volume Fourteen

I also went to see the film. It was not good.

Fifty Shades on Film - The Tedious Fuckery Continues

And in the interest of completion, I took on the third book. It's finally over.


Volume One

Volume Two

Volume Three

Volume Four

Volume Five

Volume Six

Volume Seven

Volume Eight

Volume Nine

Volume Ten

Volume Eleven

Volume Twelve

Volume Thirteen

19 comments :

  1. Really enjoyed reading your version of the first book - any chance you could stomach doing the other two?
    Pretty Please with a cherry on top?

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  2. The 50 Shades of Shit Trilogy made me inwardly cry to myself with so much anguish, rage, and shame... SHAME... that something is monumentally BAD could get a free passing into the literature world. The efforts of these people is beyond me. I have no idea how I'll ever recover... I wasn't there to be saved in time before others caught on to how bad it was. I just stayed under the sheets of my bed for several nights in a row, shuttering at the horror that was. Never again will I return to that death trap.

    ... but luckily for me, people like you help me get back the feeling in my fingers! Your review literally made my laugh out loud and I think I even shed a few tears of joy here and there. You are the light and logic into this hell hole of a book. Would it be too much to ask for you to continue bashing it?... That is, would you review the other two books??? PLEASE????? I'll give you a cookie! :D

    There's a guy on the internet called "The Nostalgia Critic" on ThatGuyWithTheGlasses.com. He reviewed a movie called "Baby Geniuses 2", and at the end of the review he and a bunch of men got together to read 50 Shades of grey in different voices and impressions, like Zoidburg from Futurama and Christopher Walkin I think. Funny as shit, you should probably go check it out . They even made an extra video here : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2ekM3IvIvI

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  3. What would we have to do to convince you to do the whole trilogy? I'm thinking of starting a petition... Seriously though, I can't even express how much I enjoy these posts. Read them multiple times (I find they're most fun when read aloud to someone else, so you can laugh hysterically together.) Thank you so much for writing them; not only are they hilarious but they redeem my faith in humanity a little. You are absolutely awesome.

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  4. Pretty please can you do the rest??! I am writing up a PhD and NEED them in my life to keep me happy! x

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  5. I loved this so much! are you doing the other books?

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  6. This made me laugh so much, absolutely loved it! I was having bit of crappy day til I read these posts and just forgot all problems except problem of trying not to snort with laughter too loudly! Is there any chance at all you might review the next book in the series? Could your blood pressure even stand it though??

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  7. I really love your blog.

    You should set up your Facebook to allow people to follow you for your latest updates. I would love to be reminded when new posts are made.

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    Replies
    1. Hi Kate, thanks so much! I link to new posts on Facebook and Twitter amongst other nonsense, or I have a Facebook page that's just for new posts alone! :)

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  8. Dear Kitty, I entertained myself yesterday with your series of comments about the second... er... "book" and it was every bit as hilarious as the first one! This must be the absolutely bestest book review in the history of literature - all right, all right, this is not literature and I think we are all in deepest mourning for the trees which had to die for these pieces of shite. Nevertheless, it's absolutely BRILLIANT! Keep on your great work!

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  9. Kitty, are you by any chance Amberance from Cleveland who wrote such delightful reviews as 50 Heaves of Puke on the Bizzybizz blogspot site? Love your videos, too!

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    Replies
    1. Hello! I'm not Amberance, but I've seen her reviews, they're fantastic!

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  10. It's been a long time since I've laughed that hard. Thank you! :-)

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  11. Oh Kitty you had me at Winnie the Dirty BASTARD. I'm so relieved that you have gone some way into rebalancing the damage to the feminist cause that this truly awful trilogy has done. I just wish the I'll-begotten fortune that ELJames has amassed could be transferred to you.

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  12. I'm still on the first one, and I don't think it's the wine, but I'm laughing so hard I actually hyperventilated and peed myself. A little. Damn medulla oblongata.

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  13. Hi Kitty, This is so hilarious, I was cracking up after a few lines. Just found this through Google repost. It's a pity that I can't finish right now but I'll be back.

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  14. You're amazing. You turned garbage into treasure. I loved it and couldn't put my phone down for several days powering through. Thank you for your sacrifice. I'll be your AA sponsor after you do the third book.

    And seriously, you should do this for even more garbage books. Your satirical genius knows no bounds

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  15. This 50 shades of bullshit was a waste of my money...i preordered it an feel i need a total refund....after reading tha books i feel this movie was poorly thrown together and in no covered tha whole book....i will never again waste my money on another movie released on these books......my imagination is free and a hell of alot betten than this movie was

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  16. My hate for this book and it's message (that domestic violence and rape is totally romantic) knows no limits. When the second movie has it's premiere here in Sweden me and my friend, who share my hate, are planning to give out info sheets about the BIG difference between BDSM and domestic violence, with the number to a womens helpline.

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Hey hot stuff! If you leave a comment I'll give you a present.

Maybe.

 
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