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I have a lot of excitable thoughts about it. Also, while this post doesn't contain any spoilers as such, I am talking about a good few details, so if you'd rather go into the film knowing as little as possible, then maybe come back to this afterwards.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/-QRLViZRuuJA\/V4TkxQzBGNI\/AAAAAAAAFOs\/oYZq8F1rbSAWuOWWvNugYQJVuyQIHJR_QCLcB\/s1600\/3093047-gb2.jpg\"\u003E \u003Cimg alt=\"\" border=\"0\" id=\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5641564410206788610\" src=\"https:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/-QRLViZRuuJA\/V4TkxQzBGNI\/AAAAAAAAFOs\/oYZq8F1rbSAWuOWWvNugYQJVuyQIHJR_QCLcB\/s1600\/3093047-gb2.jpg\" style=\"display: block; height: 220px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003ESo. I loved this film. At various points, the Bear looked over at me in the cinema and started laughing because I had such a massive stupid smile on my face, right from the get-go. We've recently blitzed through all three seasons of Silicon Valley and my favourite character is the nervous, kind and consistently hopeful Jared, so when the film immediately opens on Zach Woods and his porcelain, slightly haunted-looking face giving a tour of a spooky old mansion, I could not have been more immediately sold. I'm certain that I gasped in delight, which is a pretty great way to start a film.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EAnd where to start with how much fun it was. The four leads make a tremendous team, Kristen Wiig as the buttoned-down Erin Gilbert and Melissa McCarthy as her formerly spurned friend Abby rekindle their friendship when ghosts are being set loose around New York, and when joined by transit worker and amateur history expert Patty and mad scientist Holtzmann, it's four women looking out for each other, busting ghosts and in Erin's case, ogling Kevin, the gender-flipped sexy secretary. There's no jealousy, no falling out over dudes, just capable women getting on with it and being really fucking funny.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/-rGti2hDNlxU\/V4TmpvobXTI\/AAAAAAAAFO4\/2DarYMC3NFoyamBzwTLyKZEe3YYL3miZgCLcB\/s1600\/PHOkoeGsy0umRT_1_l.jpg\"\u003E \u003Cimg alt=\"\" border=\"0\" id=\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5641564410206788610\" src=\"https:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/-rGti2hDNlxU\/V4TmpvobXTI\/AAAAAAAAFO4\/2DarYMC3NFoyamBzwTLyKZEe3YYL3miZgCLcB\/s1600\/PHOkoeGsy0umRT_1_l.jpg\" style=\"display: block; height: 220px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EAfter disappointing blockbusters like \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/redlemonade.blogspot.ie\/2015\/06\/actually-its-about-ethics-in-dinosaur.html\" target=\"_blank\"\u003EJurassic World screwed us out of a decent female character\u003C\/a\u003E and sent Bryce Dallas Howard running around an actual jungle in her heels, a trailer for The Magnificent Seven that was played in the cinema last night and had one single woman in it crying, followed by seven lads blowing stuff up and having all the fun and what will be nine entire years with \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/redlemonade.blogspot.ie\/2014\/02\/then-hero-comes-alongand-its-guy-again.html\" target=\"_blank\"\u003Eno female-led superhero film\u003C\/a\u003E until Wonder Woman next year after Iron Man kicked off the frenzy in 2008, FOUR female leads in a film is so ridiculously refreshing. It shouldn't be unusual, but it is. Any big, blockbuster type film featuring an ensemble cast tends to have just the one, \u003Ci\u003Emaybe\u003C\/i\u003E two women on the team if they've completely lost the run of themselves. And when it's an utterly horrible film like The Hateful Eight, then why even bother. Between Bridesmaids, The Heat, Spy and now Ghostbusters, Paul Feig is doing a lot of the heavy lifting in Hollywood in terms of the comedies I've enjoyed the most over the last few years.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/-1rBWNbjVCgE\/V4Tn6pV4rSI\/AAAAAAAAFPI\/dnzo1qDb9Q4BTRGQEohIYC6z7rHWomIUQCLcB\/s1600\/Ghost4.png\"\u003E \u003Cimg alt=\"\" border=\"0\" id=\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5641564410206788610\" src=\"https:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/-1rBWNbjVCgE\/V4Tn6pV4rSI\/AAAAAAAAFPI\/dnzo1qDb9Q4BTRGQEohIYC6z7rHWomIUQCLcB\/s1600\/Ghost4.png\" style=\"display: block; height: 220px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EKristen Wiig and Melissa McCarthy are excellent as usual and everyone gets an equal chance to shine, but Leslie Jones and Kate McKinnon are breakout stars. And just to dwell on McKinnon for a bit (because it's pretty much what I've been doing since I left the cinema), in the trailers, I thought her turns as Holtzmann were cute and funny, but I wasn't ready for the incandescent, magnetic sex appeal that truly knocked me for six throughout the film. I couldn't stop staring at her, even when she was just chilling in the background. The combination of enthusiastic nerd charm and outrageously flirtatious swagger was so powerful that I genuinely missed one or two plot points. When she licked her gun, all fired up during the climactic battle scene, it was hands down one of the sexiest things I've ever seen on film. (I hadn't watched any of the trailers after the very first one in an effort not to know too much going in and I WASN'T READY FOR THAT.) I'm not sure where I figured on the Kinsey scale before all this, but Holtzmann kicked it over and used it for parts so it's all the one now. And when she makes a nervously rushed but heartfelt speech about friendship towards the end, giving a glimpse of what's behind all the swashbuckling live-wire silliness, I fell HARD. (And as for dancing around the lab with her blow torches? MADAM. I CAN NOT.)\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EWhen we were standing at the Luas stop in the rain afterwards, waiting to get home, I was still smiling. I still had a buzzy, excited feeling and an urge to watch it all over again as soon as I can. It's got four excellent heroines, a range of delightfully old-timey ghosts, fun cameos, a villain who could basically be named Neckbeard McEntitledGuy, Chris Hemsworth being an adorable dope, a shoutout for Roadhouse and rock-solid jokes. At the end of the film (we all clapped), as the credits rolled alongside Hemsworth doing a massive silly dance routine, a little girl got up and started dancing around in front of the screen, copying his moves where she could and quite clearly having an absolute blast of an evening, finishing with a round of applause from those of us still seated and I wasn't crying, YOU WERE CRYING. \u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ciframe allowtransparency=\"true\" frameborder=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" src=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/plugins\/like.php?href=http:\/\/redlemonade.blogspot.com\/2016\/07\/safety-lights-are-for-dudes.html\" style=\"height: 25px; width: 100%;\"\u003E\u003C\/iframe\u003E "},"link":[{"rel":"replies","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/redlemonade.blogspot.com\/feeds\/6825270073801577324\/comments\/default","title":"Post Comments"},{"rel":"replies","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/redlemonade.blogspot.com\/2016\/07\/safety-lights-are-for-dudes.html#comment-form","title":"8 Comments"},{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7970712784003281497\/posts\/default\/6825270073801577324"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7970712784003281497\/posts\/default\/6825270073801577324"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/redlemonade.blogspot.com\/2016\/07\/safety-lights-are-for-dudes.html","title":"Safety Lights Are For Dudes"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"Kitty Catastrophe"},"uri":{"$t":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/profile\/08783550352881766193"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$image":{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail","width":"32","height":"32","src":"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-y1G0SXlwykI\/U-DwTouCmwI\/AAAAAAAAEN4\/M3NH_VZo0T4\/s1600\/*"}}],"media$thumbnail":{"xmlns$media":"http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/","url":"https:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/-QRLViZRuuJA\/V4TkxQzBGNI\/AAAAAAAAFOs\/oYZq8F1rbSAWuOWWvNugYQJVuyQIHJR_QCLcB\/s72-c\/3093047-gb2.jpg","height":"72","width":"72"},"thr$total":{"$t":"8"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970712784003281497.post-3068315127949485987"},"published":{"$t":"2016-02-11T13:18:00.000+00:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2016-02-11T13:18:57.089+00:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Deadly Birds"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Films"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"I Dream Of Geena"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-vt47H8Wyjh8\/VruF3_L58SI\/AAAAAAAAFI8\/EmS9a_Hddt0\/s1600\/geena.jpg\"\u003E \u003Cimg alt=\"\" border=\"0\" id=\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5641564410206788610\" src=\"https:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-vt47H8Wyjh8\/VruF3_L58SI\/AAAAAAAAFI8\/EmS9a_Hddt0\/s1600\/geena.jpg\" style=\"display: block; height: 225px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EIf superhero movies twenty years ago were the massive industry that they are now, Geena Davis could have been a  1990s Captain Marvel or Batwoman. She's a six foot babe with cheekbones for days,  does her own stunts and could punch a hole through a wall. However, despite the lack of superpowered crimefighting in her past roles, she's kind of a feminist superhero already. \u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EI recently watched Cutthroat Island for the first time and it was a fucking HOOT. It's got excellent stunts! Solid action set-pieces! Morgan the lady pirate whose signature move is threatening to stab dudes in the dick! A hammy villain called Dawg chewing up all the scenery! Two gorgeous pirate galleons blasting the shit out of each other on the high seas! Admittedly this is coming from someone who watched Battleship three times last year and thoroughly enjoyed herself on every occasion, but all those points still stand. It ends and begins with Morgan post and pre boning a guy on her terms! There's one brief and particularly terrible bit of green screen, but all it really does is serve to highlight just how real and CGI-free all the terrific explosions and sets getting smashed up were. There's no Andy Serkis running around covered in ping pong balls here.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/-V-buQByJ_N0\/VruKz8YfUMI\/AAAAAAAAFJM\/BkYMvyoApkM\/s1600\/Cutthroat.jpg\"\u003E \u003Cimg alt=\"\" border=\"0\" id=\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5641564410206788610\" src=\"https:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/-V-buQByJ_N0\/VruKz8YfUMI\/AAAAAAAAFJM\/BkYMvyoApkM\/s1600\/Cutthroat.jpg\" style=\"display: block; height: 225px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EApparently Michael Douglas turned down the role of William Shaw because the part was smaller than Geena Davis's, like, welcome to Women's Hollywood Since Forever, buddy. It's unfair that the film's legacy is that of sinking of the pirate movie genre until Jack Sparrow stumbled onto screens, because it's a lot more enjoyable than some of the thunderously mediocre Pirates of the Caribbean sequels. And what's more, it gets routinely described as one of the biggest box office failures ever and the reason why Geena Davis's career faltered shortly afterwards, but if you look up the list of flops and their estimated losses on Wikipedia, it's far enough down the list to have not one, but TWO Ryan Reynolds films ahead of it and, well, he's just a lovable scamp rather than box office poison, right? Hollywood double standards can do one.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-RIQJ9L9R2vI\/VruM1wF5kUI\/AAAAAAAAFJY\/iyhz81aUVrI\/s1600\/kiss.jpg\"\u003E \u003Cimg alt=\"\" border=\"0\" id=\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5641564410206788610\" src=\"https:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-RIQJ9L9R2vI\/VruM1wF5kUI\/AAAAAAAAFJY\/iyhz81aUVrI\/s1600\/kiss.jpg\" style=\"display: block; height: 182px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EIn further fun, fast-paced feminist roles, The Long Kiss Goodnight is an excellent action film starring our girl as Samantha Caine, an amnesiac housewife who undergoes one of the greatest movie makeovers of all time as her former personality, that of CIA assassin Charly Baltimore begins to reassert itself. She goes from unthreatening nice suburban lady curls to platinum razor bob, Claudia Winkleman levels of eyeliner and top notch murder skills. She knocks a guy out with a lemon meringue pie, for fuck's sake! It's amazing! Plus she gives Samuel L Jackson's character some well deserved shit when he catcalls a woman out jogging and minding her own goddamn business. I only just re-watched it shortly before Christmas and I already want to watch it again.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/-GJBVMMuwJ00\/VruOFB0Ph9I\/AAAAAAAAFJo\/KVdHBrFPFVg\/s1600\/1491467_orig.jpg\"\u003E \u003Cimg alt=\"\" border=\"0\" id=\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5641564410206788610\" src=\"https:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/-GJBVMMuwJ00\/VruOFB0Ph9I\/AAAAAAAAFJo\/KVdHBrFPFVg\/s1600\/1491467_orig.jpg\" style=\"display: block; height: 276px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EAnd I can't possibly talk about Geena Davis without mentioning A League of Their Own. Loved it as a child, love it now, hate James Corden's stupid fucking sports panel show for using the name and never being the film when I see it on TV listings. Which is ALL THE TIME. The Rockford Peaches are #squadgoals levels of sisterhood, supporting each other, sneaking out to go dancing and shift soldiers and an excellent fancy dress costume to boot. THERE'S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL!\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EAside from her feminist sport\/action\/pirate films, (and Thelma \u0026amp; Louise and Beetlejuice) Geena Davis also established an \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/www.thegeenadavisinstitute.org\/\" target=\"_blank\"\u003Einstitute\u003C\/a\u003E dedicated to highlighting the lack of female representation in films and television and is one of a handful of women to ever portray a female American president in her role in Commander in Chief.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EI suppose what I'm trying to say is, can we just put Geena Davis in charge of Hollywood? Yeah? \u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ciframe allowtransparency=\"true\" frameborder=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" src=\"http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/plugins\/like.php?href=http%3A%2F%2Fredlemonade.blogspot.com%2F2016%2F02%2Fi-dream-of-geena.html\" style=\"height: 25px; width: 100%;\"\u003E\u003C\/iframe\u003E"},"link":[{"rel":"replies","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/redlemonade.blogspot.com\/feeds\/3068315127949485987\/comments\/default","title":"Post Comments"},{"rel":"replies","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/redlemonade.blogspot.com\/2016\/02\/i-dream-of-geena.html#comment-form","title":"2 Comments"},{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7970712784003281497\/posts\/default\/3068315127949485987"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7970712784003281497\/posts\/default\/3068315127949485987"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/redlemonade.blogspot.com\/2016\/02\/i-dream-of-geena.html","title":"I Dream Of Geena"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"Kitty Catastrophe"},"uri":{"$t":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/profile\/08783550352881766193"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$image":{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail","width":"32","height":"32","src":"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-y1G0SXlwykI\/U-DwTouCmwI\/AAAAAAAAEN4\/M3NH_VZo0T4\/s1600\/*"}}],"media$thumbnail":{"xmlns$media":"http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/","url":"https:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-vt47H8Wyjh8\/VruF3_L58SI\/AAAAAAAAFI8\/EmS9a_Hddt0\/s72-c\/geena.jpg","height":"72","width":"72"},"thr$total":{"$t":"2"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970712784003281497.post-6674171116002014027"},"published":{"$t":"2015-08-11T13:12:00.000+01:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2015-08-11T13:13:08.704+01:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Deadly stuff"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Films"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Weird"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"Hawaii Five-No"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003Ci\u003EThis post originally appeared on \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/ramp.ie\/\"\u003ERamp.ie\u003C\/a\u003E a few years ago, but we recently rewatched Hard Ticket To Hawaii and it was exactly as much stupid fun as I remember, so I decided to dust off this post and stick it up here. The whole film is \u003Ca href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=pfyCQbX5dOk\" target=\"_blank\"\u003Eon YouTube\u003C\/a\u003E, but make sure to skip past the intensely creepy introduction from director Andy Sidaris, because there's just no need for it and I wish he'd take his hand off that bikini lady's knee.\u003C\/i\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/-2rkMCk9qVkg\/Vcniyvi7hVI\/AAAAAAAAE5Q\/m9kWAzYgi3o\/s1600\/poster.jpg\"\u003E \u003Cimg alt=\"\" border=\"0\" id=\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5641564410206788610\" src=\"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/-2rkMCk9qVkg\/Vcniyvi7hVI\/AAAAAAAAE5Q\/m9kWAzYgi3o\/s1600\/poster.jpg\" style=\"display: block; height: 500px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EIt’s so hard to decide where to begin with Hard Ticket To Hawaii. The frisbee death scene? The skateboarding assassin? The snake infected by deadly toxins from cancer-infested rats? (No, really. That description of the snake is actually a direct quote from the film.)\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/-RgJGpJ2Jyf4\/VcnjXS8y7lI\/AAAAAAAAE5Y\/Y_Uwf7IKdzY\/s1600\/HTTH-03-Credits.jpg\"\u003E \u003Cimg alt=\"\" border=\"0\" id=\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5641564410206788610\" src=\"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/-RgJGpJ2Jyf4\/VcnjXS8y7lI\/AAAAAAAAE5Y\/Y_Uwf7IKdzY\/s1600\/HTTH-03-Credits.jpg\" style=\"display: block; height: 280px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EThe credits kick things off in gleefully awful fashion, showing a bunch  of moustachioed dudes moving crates around a warehouse, with the cast’s  names printed out on brown paper and glued to the side of them. It’s  kind of amazing. Next thing you know, an incompetent forklift driver has knocked the ominous “CONTAMINATED” sign off one crate in particular,  which as it turns out, contains a GIANT MUTANT CANCER SNAKE.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/-RkRJG3MT564\/VcnjlOVkHGI\/AAAAAAAAE5g\/Subc0xY8YIQ\/s1600\/toad_1045_hope_marie_carlton-hard_ticket_to_hawaii-01.jpg\"\u003E \u003Cimg alt=\"\" border=\"0\" id=\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5641564410206788610\" src=\"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/-RkRJG3MT564\/VcnjlOVkHGI\/AAAAAAAAE5g\/Subc0xY8YIQ\/s1600\/toad_1045_hope_marie_carlton-hard_ticket_to_hawaii-01.jpg\" style=\"display: block; height: 280px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EThe actual plot centres around two Government agents (although we  don’t find out what actual agency they work for, it’s just referred to  as ‘The Agency’) called Donna and Taryn, who are undercover as  island-hopping pilots for a Hawaiian cargo company. I have to admit, I  only got all that after reading up on it after actually seeing the film.  While I was watching it, there was a fair amount of ‘Wait, are they  cops or something? No, they’re pilots. Oh, hang on, what’s this agency  they keep mentioning? WHO ARE THESE WOMEN AND WHY DO THEY KEEP TAKING  THEIR CLOTHES OFF?’ Both actresses were 1980s Playmates, which might  explain the second part of that last question, actually. The film  doesn’t waste time explaining things like character background, instead  it distracts you from niggly details like that with BOOBS. In one  particular instance, by showing Taryn taking off her bikini top in order  to take an outdoor shower under a tree, while talking to Donna. As one  does.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EAnyway, Donna and Taryn have to transport a newlywed couple and a  regular, non-cancery snake to another island, so off they go, only UH OH  THEY’VE GOT THE WRONG SNAKE! Once they’ve landed on the island and  dropped off the tourist couple, they see a toy helicopter containing two  small packages landing near the beach. But then two henchmen that the  delivery was actually meant for suddenly appear so the girls have to  fight them off. Luckily they came equipped with nunchucks and ninja  stars hidden their tiny, sideboob-exposing uniforms so they make their  escape with one of the packages. Once home, both Donna and Taryn strip  off and get into the hot tub to have a think. They open the package to  discover it contains diamonds, Donna decides to call Rowdy, a fellow  agent, and they both climb back out of the hot tub. That is literally  the whole scene. They get naked, sit in the hot tub, open the bag and  get back out.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-B1wGU_fpsDo\/Vcnj4vrCgUI\/AAAAAAAAE5o\/9KtRAWDoGPw\/s1600\/malibu-express.jpg\"\u003E \u003Cimg alt=\"\" border=\"0\" id=\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5641564410206788610\" src=\"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-B1wGU_fpsDo\/Vcnj4vrCgUI\/AAAAAAAAE5o\/9KtRAWDoGPw\/s1600\/malibu-express.jpg\" style=\"display: block; height: 280px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EAlso, I’d like to point out that there’s a scene where Taryn is  showing Donna her new movie posters. She loves James Bond and spy  movies, and there on the wall of their house, is a framed poster for  Malibu Express, which she makes a particular point of. This film is the  sequel to Malibu Express. Rowdy is meant to be the cousin of the  main character IN Malibu Express. It’s so meta that if you think about  it too much, your brain may be in danger of melting out of your ears.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EAfter some more fights between henchmen and the girls (in which their  clothes come off a bit), the snake escaping from its crate (which ended  up in their garage for some reason I can’t remember) and some random  scenes that are completely irrelevant to the plot, we eventually meet  Rowdy and Jade, the two manly agents who are going to save the day. But  as they’re on the way to meet Donna and Taryn, they are passed on the  road by a man doing a handstand on a skateboard. They surmise that he’s  been ‘\u003Ci\u003Esmoking some heavy doobies’\u003C\/i\u003E\u0026nbsp;and carry on as before. BUT  then he comes after them, only this time he’s carrying a rifle and A  BLOW UP SEX DOLL. FOR NO REASON.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/2.bp.blogspot.com\/-0-xWX8alxEw\/VcnkF-3H-7I\/AAAAAAAAE5w\/8PvlDeS3awk\/s1600\/skateboard.jpg\"\u003E \u003Cimg alt=\"\" border=\"0\" id=\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5641564410206788610\" src=\"http:\/\/2.bp.blogspot.com\/-0-xWX8alxEw\/VcnkF-3H-7I\/AAAAAAAAE5w\/8PvlDeS3awk\/s1600\/skateboard.jpg\" style=\"display: block; height: 280px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EHe shoots the tyre of the jeep that the agents are driving, which  inexplicably results in Jade getting a bullet in the chest. They then  drive into the assassin, somehow sending him flying into the air AND  BLOW HIM UP WITH A ROCKET LAUNCHER. For realz! It’s incredible! And just  when you thought it couldn’t get any more ridiculous, THEY EXPLODE THE  SEX DOLL TOO! We actually had to rewind this scene to watch it again,  just to make sure we weren’t tripping our collective balls off the first  time around.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EOther things of note include a restaurant called Edy’s that the  characters frequent, which has a maître d’ whose sole purpose seems to  be sleazing all over anyone with tits. Not to mention dialogue like ‘\u003Ci\u003Eif brains were birdshit your cages would be empty’\u0026nbsp;\u003C\/i\u003Eand ‘\u003Ci\u003Eone man’s dream is another man’s lunch’\u003C\/i\u003E\u0026nbsp;and a villain called Mr. Chang, despite the fact that he’s a white dude who looks like a low-rent Malcolm McDowell.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-o6qrcdzefug\/VcnkRvwgzhI\/AAAAAAAAE54\/sfVCHM3zXWg\/s1600\/handycam.jpg\"\u003E \u003Cimg alt=\"\" border=\"0\" id=\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5641564410206788610\" src=\"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-o6qrcdzefug\/VcnkRvwgzhI\/AAAAAAAAE54\/sfVCHM3zXWg\/s1600\/handycam.jpg\" style=\"display: block; height: 280px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EAnyway, things start to come to a head as the agents plan to take down  the criminal boss who’s involved in the whole diamonds and drugs thing.  There’s a great bit where Taryn and Donna are gathering information on  the boss’s compound with a bright yellow video camera. I love it because  it reminded me of that trend in the 80s and 90s where gadget companies  used to bring out a yellow and supposedly waterproof version of an  existing product and called it the ‘Sports’ model. Anyway, all of this  leads up to the one scene that convinced me that I absolutely HAD to see  this film, in which Rowdy disposes of one of the compound’s henchmen.  Who is called Shades, by the way. It’s the frisbee death scene, kids.  Are you ready for this?\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ciframe allowfullscreen=\"\" frameborder=\"0\" height=\"300\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/Uin6b2iGy9E\" width=\"400\"\u003E\u003C\/iframe\u003E \u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EThere are around three big finales to this film, involving someone  stabbing a door down instead of just kicking it in and the snake making a  spectacular return to the storyline, which I won’t spoil because you  just have to see it for yourself. The snake is brilliant for many  reasons, one of which being that it’s quite obviously someone’s arm  encased in a slimy, elaborate sock puppet.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EHard Ticket To Hawaii is completely ridiculous. The women take their  clothes off at the drop of a hat, there are scenes showing a henchwoman  all oiled up and posing with nunchucks for about four minutes for  absolutely no reason, the supposed heroes do racist Japanese accent  impressions, the dialogue is hilariously bad and outrageously sexist, the  sets are wobbly and the plot is unnecessarily convoluted. But in spite  of all these completely dumb things, it is  also a huge amount of fun. If you enjoy terrible films, then you really,  REALLY have to watch this one.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EAnd if you’re still not convinced, then just check out the badass trailer:\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ciframe allowfullscreen=\"\" frameborder=\"0\" height=\"300\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/PCM6HCTJeRU\" width=\"400\"\u003E\u003C\/iframe\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ciframe allowtransparency=\"true\" frameborder=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" src=\"http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/plugins\/like.php?href=http%3A%2F%2Fredlemonade.blogspot.com%2F2015%2F08%2Fhawaii-five-no.html\" style=\"height: 25px; width: 100%;\"\u003E\u003C\/iframe\u003E"},"link":[{"rel":"replies","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/redlemonade.blogspot.com\/feeds\/6674171116002014027\/comments\/default","title":"Post Comments"},{"rel":"replies","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/redlemonade.blogspot.com\/2015\/08\/hawaii-five-no.html#comment-form","title":"2 Comments"},{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7970712784003281497\/posts\/default\/6674171116002014027"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7970712784003281497\/posts\/default\/6674171116002014027"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/redlemonade.blogspot.com\/2015\/08\/hawaii-five-no.html","title":"Hawaii Five-No"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"Kitty Catastrophe"},"uri":{"$t":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/profile\/08783550352881766193"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$image":{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail","width":"32","height":"32","src":"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-y1G0SXlwykI\/U-DwTouCmwI\/AAAAAAAAEN4\/M3NH_VZo0T4\/s1600\/*"}}],"media$thumbnail":{"xmlns$media":"http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/","url":"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/-2rkMCk9qVkg\/Vcniyvi7hVI\/AAAAAAAAE5Q\/m9kWAzYgi3o\/s72-c\/poster.jpg","height":"72","width":"72"},"thr$total":{"$t":"2"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970712784003281497.post-7008025512748441746"},"published":{"$t":"2015-06-16T11:12:00.000+01:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2015-06-16T11:13:35.547+01:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Angry Kitty"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Films"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"Actually It's About Ethics In Dinosaur Cloning"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"I went to see Jurassic World over the weekend. Overall it was good. I suppose. Honestly, I found it hard to totally enjoy it as a fun action film because it was so ridiculously, annoyingly, stupidly, disappointingly sexist. (Spoilers ahoy!)\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-4m-frZigBrw\/VX8ozJpDQmI\/AAAAAAAAEt8\/4HncsBotXdI\/s1600\/jworld-banner-44.jpg\"\u003E \u003Cimg alt=\"\" border=\"0\" id=\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5641564410206788610\" src=\"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-4m-frZigBrw\/VX8ozJpDQmI\/AAAAAAAAEt8\/4HncsBotXdI\/s1600\/jworld-banner-44.jpg\" style=\"display: block; height: 226px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003ESooo, I had a lot of thoughts. \u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EOk, this is somewhat unrelated, but FIRST OF ALL, if you need to contact your annoying nephews to warn them that they may be about to be eaten by a rampaging dino-monster and the line is so bad that you can't hear each other when you call them, THEN SEND A FUCKING TEXT.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EAnyway. \u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EThe first shot of Bryce Dallas Howard as Claire, the super efficient manager of Jurassic World, is the age-old pan upwards on the woman's body, get a good look at her there, in her fancy shoes. It's passed off as her arriving in a lift, while Chris Pratt as Owen is introduced being super cool, mid-session with his trained velociraptors, which he \u003Ci\u003E\"imprinted\"\u003C\/i\u003E on when they were babies, because he's a werewolf from Twilight.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EClaire's a cliché no-nonsense career woman with no time for stinkin' kids! She can't remember how old her nephews are and apparently this is TERRIBLE, even though most of the time I need a few minutes to remember how old *I* am.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/-GcV2aZ7E1QI\/VX8pQ6rqBTI\/AAAAAAAAEuE\/Ni_Ft1gxmho\/s1600\/Owen-butts-heads-Jurassic-World-scientist-Claire-Bryce-Dallas.jpg\"\u003E \u003Cimg alt=\"\" border=\"0\" id=\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5641564410206788610\" src=\"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/-GcV2aZ7E1QI\/VX8pQ6rqBTI\/AAAAAAAAEuE\/Ni_Ft1gxmho\/s1600\/Owen-butts-heads-Jurassic-World-scientist-Claire-Bryce-Dallas.jpg\" style=\"display: block; height: 209px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EAlso, Claire somehow manages to keep her fancy high heels on while running through an actual jungle after her nephews, and perhaps most ridiculously, while being chased by a T-Rex. It was unfortunate, because the scene was such a great moment, both for her character and as a callback to Jurassic Park, using the red flare, luring the hero T-Rex out of the enclosure to take care of business, and then running ahead of it in a pair of stupid heels. It should have been a brilliant moment, but all I could think was \"TAKE YOUR FUCKING SHOES OFF YOU IDIOT\".\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EMy overriding thought the whole way through, (in between the ads for Pandora, Coca Cola and Mercedes) was how much cooler and more interesting it would have been to have Chris Pratt play the uptight buzzkill, while Bryce Dallas Howard was the one fixin' bikes and implausibly training velociraptors. Basically, everything needs to be more like Mad Max: Fury Road.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EJurassic Park had Dr. Ellie Sattler, a paleobotanist and Lex Murphy, a pretty annoying kid, yes, but one who knew her way around 90s tech, two core female leads in the ensemble with some excellent scenes. (Those raptors in the kitchen were legit traumatic to watch as a child and the reflection trick that Lex pulls is still total genius.) Whereas Jurassic World just has Claire barely holding the fort for representation in her dumb shoes, being constantly condescended to. If the beginning of your franchise felt more progressive 22 years ago than this summer's blockbuster addition does, then you're doing something wrong. \u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EThere's a very definite uterus subplot too, with Claire's disinterest in kids played as a character flaw (the exchange with her sister, where she says \u003Ci\u003E\"if I have kids\"\u003C\/i\u003E and Karen irritably corrects her with a curt \u003Ci\u003E\"WHEN\"\u003C\/i\u003E made me fucking furious, to be quite honest) before she visibly comes around to the idea at the end of the film. Maybe it was meant to be a reference to the original where Sam Neill's Dr. Grant was conflicted over having kids at first, but it felt less like a knowing nod and more like the usual oppressive bullshit that insists women should want to bear children, otherwise they're being selfish and weird. A notion that can fuck right off.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EIf I were her I would have avoided those kids for seven years too, because they're awful. (Also, their parents are apparently getting divorced, a plotline  which serves no purpose other than to have Judy Greer cry in pretty much ALL  of her very few scenes.)\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ctable align=\"center\" cellpadding=\"0\" cellspacing=\"0\" class=\"tr-caption-container\" style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;\"\u003E\u003Ctbody\u003E\u003Ctr\u003E\u003Ctd style=\"text-align: center;\"\u003E\u003Cimg alt=\"\" border=\"0\" id=\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5641564410206788610\" src=\"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-AvZGka-p0IY\/VX8qRZ0JHMI\/AAAAAAAAEuQ\/Ku4Ld2hOYDY\/s1600\/kids.jpg\" style=\"display: block; height: 267px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;\" \/\u003E\u003C\/td\u003E\u003C\/tr\u003E\u003Ctr\u003E\u003Ctd class=\"tr-caption\" style=\"text-align: center;\"\u003EIt wouldn't have killed them to throw in a brother-sister combo again. All they had to do was change up the ages and there could have been something even approaching gender balance within the main cast. Or, GOD FORBID, TWO SISTERS. GASP. It's not as if a film about sisters is one of the highest grossing releases of all time, or anything.\u003C\/td\u003E\u003C\/tr\u003E\u003C\/tbody\u003E\u003C\/table\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-AvZGka-p0IY\/VX8qRZ0JHMI\/AAAAAAAAEuQ\/Ku4Ld2hOYDY\/s1600\/kids.jpg\"\u003E \u003C\/a\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EWhen they first encounter Owen, Claire has just saved his life, but the boys are all \"Owen is amazing let's stick with him!\" Their aunt just SHOT A PTERODACTYL IN THE FACE, but he's still the cool one. I hate these kids. And their \u003Ci\u003E\"Your boyfriend is so badass!\"\u003C\/i\u003E line later on in the film made me want them to be eaten by a velociraptor. The little shitheads. \u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003ENow, despite all of this giving out, Jurassic World does have lots of great parts to it. It's extremely exciting to see the camera swoop in over the park that Hammond had envisaged all those years ago, and watching Rexes Indominus and Tyrannosaurus bate the heads off each other was hugely entertaining. Nick from New Girl and C.O. Fischer from Orange Is The New Black were great. Chris Pratt has buckets of charisma (despite all the goddamn mansplaining) but it's really no Jurassic Park. It was always going to be near impossible to live up to a film that we fucking loved as kids and have done for the last twenty-odd years, I mean that's a LOT of expectation and build-up. But there are so many ways it could have been better. And it could have used some Jeff Goldblum, but then again, that's true for most things.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ctable align=\"center\" cellpadding=\"0\" cellspacing=\"0\" class=\"tr-caption-container\" style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;\"\u003E\u003Ctbody\u003E\u003Ctr\u003E\u003Ctd style=\"text-align: center;\"\u003E\u003Cimg alt=\"\" border=\"0\" id=\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5641564410206788610\" src=\"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/-Rws5ywii2wk\/VX_tBYPknHI\/AAAAAAAAEuo\/j43d-dCLxAs\/s1600\/e03.jpeg\" style=\"display: block; height: 216px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;\" \/\u003E\u003C\/td\u003E\u003C\/tr\u003E\u003Ctr\u003E\u003Ctd class=\"tr-caption\" style=\"text-align: center;\"\u003ELife finds a bae.\u003C\/td\u003E\u003C\/tr\u003E\u003C\/tbody\u003E\u003C\/table\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/-Rws5ywii2wk\/VX_tBYPknHI\/AAAAAAAAEuo\/j43d-dCLxAs\/s1600\/e03.jpeg\"\u003E\u003C\/a\u003EAnyway, I think we can all agree that the real hero of the movie was the dude that ran from the flying dinosaur attack while holding two margaritas. Good hustle, mister. \u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ciframe allowtransparency=\"true\" frameborder=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" src=\"http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/plugins\/like.php?href=http%3A%2F%2Fredlemonade.blogspot.com%2F2015%2F06%2Factually-its-about-ethics-in-dinosaur.html\" style=\"height: 25px; width: 100%;\"\u003E\u003C\/iframe\u003E"},"link":[{"rel":"replies","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/redlemonade.blogspot.com\/feeds\/7008025512748441746\/comments\/default","title":"Post Comments"},{"rel":"replies","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/redlemonade.blogspot.com\/2015\/06\/actually-its-about-ethics-in-dinosaur.html#comment-form","title":"5 Comments"},{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7970712784003281497\/posts\/default\/7008025512748441746"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7970712784003281497\/posts\/default\/7008025512748441746"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/redlemonade.blogspot.com\/2015\/06\/actually-its-about-ethics-in-dinosaur.html","title":"Actually It's About Ethics In Dinosaur Cloning"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"Kitty Catastrophe"},"uri":{"$t":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/profile\/08783550352881766193"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$image":{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail","width":"32","height":"32","src":"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-y1G0SXlwykI\/U-DwTouCmwI\/AAAAAAAAEN4\/M3NH_VZo0T4\/s1600\/*"}}],"media$thumbnail":{"xmlns$media":"http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/","url":"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-4m-frZigBrw\/VX8ozJpDQmI\/AAAAAAAAEt8\/4HncsBotXdI\/s72-c\/jworld-banner-44.jpg","height":"72","width":"72"},"thr$total":{"$t":"5"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970712784003281497.post-4155585178796618562"},"published":{"$t":"2015-05-11T13:06:00.000+01:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2015-05-11T13:09:24.292+01:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Deadly Birds"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Film fashion"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Films"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"Hard Working Girl Heroes"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"A few weeks ago, after getting home from seeing Age of Ultron in the cinema, Nine to Five was on telly. It started pretty late, and wasn't going to be over until two in the morning, so I wasn't sure I'd even make it to the end. I'd seen it before, years and years ago when I was fairly young so the jokes went clear over my head and my favourite part was Lily Tomlin's revenge fantasy sequence, because cartoon woodland creatures.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-8jVk7wsECvw\/VUkoEMttDpI\/AAAAAAAAErQ\/muli_e4oZx0\/s1600\/nine-to-five.jpg\"\u003E \u003Cimg alt=\"\" border=\"0\" id=\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5641564410206788610\" src=\"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-8jVk7wsECvw\/VUkoEMttDpI\/AAAAAAAAErQ\/muli_e4oZx0\/s1600\/nine-to-five.jpg\" style=\"display: block; height: 400px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EBut stay up until two I did, because Nine to Five is a goddamn feminist fairytale DELIGHT, and after watching a film earlier that evening where two capable and fascinating lady superheroes cracked plenty of robot skulls, but hardly said a single word to each other, a film with three female leads somehow felt newer and more relevant, despite the fact that it's 35 years old. (And not 25 like I originally calculated, until the Bear pointed out that the 90s were not in fact ten years ago.)\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EStarring Lily Tomlin as Violet, a super efficient office supervisor who's been repeatedly passed over for promotion because she's a woman, Jane Fonda as Judy, a naive former housewife, freshly divorced and entering the workforce for the first time, and Dolly Parton as Doralee, the cute-as-a-goddamn-button secretary to their obnoxious sleazeball boss, Nine to Five doesn't just pass the Bechdel Test, it invites it over for gin and popcorn and Death Becomes Her on DVR so you can fast-forward through the ad breaks. \u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EAfter being mistreated one too many times by the aforementioned boss, the three women bond in a nearby bar, get stoned, and fantasize about exacting revenge on the \u003Ci\u003E\"sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot\"\u003C\/i\u003E that is Mr. Hart. The fantasy revenge scenes are a super fun and surreal deviation, featuring Judy dressed like a lady Indiana Jones big game hunter, chasing a terrified Mr. Hart through the office, Doralee as a gleeful horndog cowgirl, turning the tables on the sexual harassment Hart has made her endure, and Violet as a murderous Snow White, lacing her odious boss's coffee with rat poison.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-zjj9v-b_X7g\/VUkomAnVONI\/AAAAAAAAErY\/2y9--4IqkWU\/s1600\/IMG_0811.png\"\u003E \u003Cimg alt=\"\" border=\"0\" id=\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5641564410206788610\" src=\"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-zjj9v-b_X7g\/VUkomAnVONI\/AAAAAAAAErY\/2y9--4IqkWU\/s1600\/IMG_0811.png\" style=\"display: block; height: 226px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EFollowing a series of screwball mix-ups and mishaps, they end up kidnapping Mr. Hart, trussing him up in an S\u0026amp;M style harness attached to the ceiling in his fancy house (but not before Dolly hog-ties him in the office with a phone cord, like a boss). There's even a delightfully jaunty montage of some very practical shopping for holding a man hostage. They're actually very accommodating, making sure he has cigars and magazines and everything. However, the intrepid trio also have an enemy in Roz, who works as Hart's executive assistant and informant, ratting out other women at every opportunity because Roz is a LAPDOG OF THE PATRIARCHY.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EWhile Violet, Judy and Doralee hatch a plan to blackmail their boss, they kill time by making the office a 100% better place to work in and get a heap of feminism all up in it, introducing day care, diversity, flexible working hours and a coat of cheerful paint on the lockers. The workplace they've created is better than most workplaces right now. Their office initiatives even sort out their co-worker Margaret's alcoholism. By the time the chairman of the board arrives on the scene (dressed as Colonel Sanders for some reason) the office looks like 1980s Google.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EAs an aside, this was Dolly Parton's first film role, which is outrageous, because she's like a lightbulb in every scene and almost indecently adorable. Also, 1980 was approaching a pretty dicey time in fashion and yet Dolly manages to look unfailingly wonderful in everything she wears. How bloody rude.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/2.bp.blogspot.com\/-UO-nwMzeaM4\/VUkq_quzLVI\/AAAAAAAAErk\/RvuUceHl6r8\/s1600\/dolly.jpg\"\u003E \u003Cimg alt=\"\" border=\"0\" id=\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5641564410206788610\" src=\"http:\/\/2.bp.blogspot.com\/-UO-nwMzeaM4\/VUkq_quzLVI\/AAAAAAAAErk\/RvuUceHl6r8\/s1600\/dolly.jpg\" style=\"display: block; height: 416px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EIt's by no means perfect, but honestly, watching it now, Nine to Five felt current and refreshing. It's not like we're inundated with feminist films these days and considering that women comprised just \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/variety.com\/2015\/film\/news\/women-lead-roles-in-movies-study-hunger-games-gone-girl-1201429016\/\" target=\"_blank\"\u003E12% of the protagonists in the top-grossing films in 2014\u003C\/a\u003E, we need more fucking films like it. We're at a point where almost any new female-led comedy is billed as \u003Ci\u003E\"Bridesmaids meets [insert random title here]!!\", \u003C\/i\u003Eeven if the only thing it's got in common with Bridesmaids is more than one female character who's not just Buzzkill Girlfriend or Nagging Wife. We're so starved of blockbuster-sized, hilarious, well-written, female-driven comedy that we have to keep referring back to one single film from four years ago. (And I'm really just talking about films here, as Broad City, Amy Schumer, Tiny Fey and Amy Poehler have been doing sterling work on this front in TV.)\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EPitch Perfect was bizarrely described on its posters as \"\u003Ci\u003EBridesmaids meets Ted!\"\u003C\/i\u003E, despite the fact that it featured neither a wedding, nor an asshole teddy bear. The Duff was billed as \u003Ci\u003E\"Bridesmaids meets Mean Girls!\"\u003C\/i\u003E, Brit comedy The Knot was \u003Ci\u003E\"Bridesmaids meets The Hangover!\"\u003C\/i\u003E and a Jennifer Lopez film called MILF is in production and being touted as \u003Ci\u003E\"Bridesmaids meets First Wives Club!\" \u003C\/i\u003EIt's an epidemic. A movie could be about nurses in World War Two, working in the field and if it wasn't 100% deathly serious it'd be billed as \u003Ci\u003E\"Bridesmaids meets Saving Private Ryan!\"\u003C\/i\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EIn any case, I highly recommend a viewing of Nine to Five. It's got feminsim, zingy one-liners, Lily Tomlin being fantastically acerbic and possibly one of the greatest theme songs ever written for a film. Also, fun fact, the typewriter noise in the song was made by Dolly clacking her acrylic nails off each other, because DOLLY IS PERFECTION.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/2.bp.blogspot.com\/-ZBLs0NP2Clw\/VUkrhdwO2qI\/AAAAAAAAErs\/2FU0-uq395E\/s1600\/dolly2.jpg\"\u003E \u003Cimg alt=\"\" border=\"0\" id=\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5641564410206788610\" src=\"http:\/\/2.bp.blogspot.com\/-ZBLs0NP2Clw\/VUkrhdwO2qI\/AAAAAAAAErs\/2FU0-uq395E\/s1600\/dolly2.jpg\" style=\"display: block; height: 223px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E(Also, please like my \u003Ca href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/redlemonadeblog\" target=\"_blank\"\u003EFacebook page!\u003C\/a\u003E) \u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ciframe allowtransparency=\"true\" frameborder=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" src=\"http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/plugins\/like.php?href=http%3A%2F%2Fredlemonade.blogspot.com%2F2015%2F05%2Fhard-working-girl-heroes.html\" style=\"height: 25px; width: 100%;\"\u003E\u003C\/iframe\u003E"},"link":[{"rel":"replies","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/redlemonade.blogspot.com\/feeds\/4155585178796618562\/comments\/default","title":"Post Comments"},{"rel":"replies","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/redlemonade.blogspot.com\/2015\/05\/hard-working-girl-heroes.html#comment-form","title":"8 Comments"},{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7970712784003281497\/posts\/default\/4155585178796618562"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7970712784003281497\/posts\/default\/4155585178796618562"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/redlemonade.blogspot.com\/2015\/05\/hard-working-girl-heroes.html","title":"Hard Working Girl Heroes"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"Kitty Catastrophe"},"uri":{"$t":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/profile\/08783550352881766193"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$image":{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail","width":"32","height":"32","src":"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-y1G0SXlwykI\/U-DwTouCmwI\/AAAAAAAAEN4\/M3NH_VZo0T4\/s1600\/*"}}],"media$thumbnail":{"xmlns$media":"http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/","url":"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-8jVk7wsECvw\/VUkoEMttDpI\/AAAAAAAAErQ\/muli_e4oZx0\/s72-c\/nine-to-five.jpg","height":"72","width":"72"},"thr$total":{"$t":"8"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970712784003281497.post-1354020814370708869"},"published":{"$t":"2015-02-18T12:24:00.000+00:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2015-02-18T12:25:17.577+00:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Fifty Shades of Wank"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Films"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"Fifty Shades On Film - The Tedious Fuckery Continues"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"Having spent a sizeable amount of time word-punching my way through the \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/redlemonade.blogspot.ie\/p\/fifty-shades-of-tedious-fuckery.html\" target=\"_blank\"\u003Efirst two\u003C\/a\u003E \u003Ci\u003EFifty Shades\u003C\/i\u003E books, going to see the film adaptation was pretty much inevitable. I kinda backed myself into a corner there, so the other night I dragged my lovely BFF (and former blogmate - *tips a 40 on the curb*) Tess along, who has never read the books but fancies Jamie Dornan. (Or at least, \u003Ci\u003Efancied\u003C\/i\u003E. I must check if that's still the case.) I was probably going to be somewhat biased going into the film, what with it being based on THE DUMBEST! BOOKS! IN THE WORLD! So Tess was a means of balancing my scorn for the source material, having successfully - and quite rightly - avoided it entirely.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-uWi23Ipgw_8\/VOSCOzPNgjI\/AAAAAAAAEiU\/C3GwUVIQ1p4\/s1600\/lip.jpg\"\u003E \u003Cimg alt=\"\" border=\"0\" src=\"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-uWi23Ipgw_8\/VOSCOzPNgjI\/AAAAAAAAEiU\/C3GwUVIQ1p4\/s1600\/lip.jpg\" id=\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5641564410206788610\" style=\"display: block; height: 297px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EWe actually missed the very start, as we were too busy finishing off our pints in The Black Sheep beforehand and I overestimated the usual twenty minutes of ads before a film starts in Cineworld. (Fucking ADS like, not even trailers.) As we arrived, Dakota Johnson was in the middle of shyly interviewing Jamie Dornan at his desk, so I don't know if Ana fell arse over tit into his office like she did in the books, or if she began the film by staring glumly at her reflection in a mirror, moaning about her eyes being too big and how hard it is to be a beautiful skinny white woman.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EIn any case, to be fair to Dakota Johnson (and to my complete surprise) she actually managed to make Ana, a highly unlikable fuckwit,  into someone tolerable and even kinda funny at times. And considering the fact that EL James was constantly on set wrecking everyone's heads, they were probably the times when she was looking the other way, distracted by  something shiny. Film Ana was actually entertaining in places, such as when she drunk-dials Christian and takes the piss out him by putting on a gruff voice and mocking his idiotic indecisiveness. \u003Ci\u003E\"Stay away from me Ana...no, wait, c'mere...no, no, go away.\"\u003C\/i\u003E And she has the self-preservation instinct to be disturbed rather than overjoyed when Christian tracks her down in Georgia to berate her for having a few cocktails with her mother, which made a nice change.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EHowever, Book Ana would still manage to elbow her way into the film every so often, perhaps most notably during their sex contract negotiations (during most of which Film Ana showed 100% more wit, backbone and general cop-on than EL James's pathetic lip-biting twat) when Dakota Johnson was presumably coerced into saying the line \u003Ci\u003E\"What are butt plugs?\"\u003C\/i\u003E I mean, of all the many and varied devices that you can either attach to, or stick inside a person, butt plugs are probably as straightforwardly named a thing as you can get. IT'S EXACTLY WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE, GODDAMMIT. THIS HAS EL JAMES WRITTEN ALL OVER IT.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EJamie Dornan had his work cut out for him, playing irredeemable prick Christian, and when it came to delivering ridiculous lines like \u003Ci\u003E\"I don't make love...I fuck. Hard.\"\u003C\/i\u003E, instead of collectively swooning, the cinema audience burst out laughing. Upon hearing the line, Tess actually folded herself into a tiny ball in her seat, quietly whimpering \u003Ci\u003E\"Christ...it's so cringey.\" \u003C\/i\u003EShe was not having a good time.\u003Ci\u003E\u003C\/i\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ci\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003C\/i\u003ESpeaking of the audience\u003Ci\u003E, \u003C\/i\u003Ethere was a\u003Ci\u003E \u003C\/i\u003Eweird, giddy atmosphere in the cinema, with high-pitched squeals of laughter at completely random moments and one guy theatrically clearing his throat every time Ana's knickers came off. It was like we were all on holiday from accepted cinema etiquette, but the movie was so stupid, it was actually fine. Distractions were welcome, if anything.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EUnfortunately, there's no getting away from EL James's shoddy dialogue and barely-existent plot, so for the most part, it's actually quite a boring film to watch. Dakota and Jamie are both good-looking people, but their complete lack of chemistry makes the sex scenes about as titillating as watching two shop mannequins repeatedly bump into each other.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EIt also means that the decision Ana makes towards the end, i.e. allowing Christian to wallop her with a belt even though she wants no such thing, makes just as little sense onscreen as it did in the book. Particularly when there was so much emphasis on the agreed safewords in the run-up to it. JUST SAY RED FOR FUCK'S SAKE.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EAt this point, Tess was checking her emails, something which would be unacceptable were it literally any other film, but as I said, regular cinema etiquette had gone out the window and I just didn't care. It would have been nice if the girl in the row behind me stopped kicking my fucking seat though.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EAnyway, the film managed to gloss over a lot of Christian's utter dickishness and because we're not hearing Ana's thoughts, which is mostly a relief, as it means we're spared her infuriating inner goddess fuckery, we also don't hear how constantly afraid she is of Christian, how she doesn't trust him and how she considers escaping out of her bedroom window when he LITERALLY BREAKS INTO HER HOUSE TO FUCK HER.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EUnsurprisingly, it's not a good film. But it doesn't even have the decency to be the fun type of bad, like \u003Ci\u003EShowgirls \u003C\/i\u003Ebad. It might have had a shot at that particular brand of cult movie status had they included the tampon scene (which was really the most outrageous sex-thing in the entire series), or Christian throwing a big-boy tantrum when Ana tries to pay for their pancakes, so instead we're landed with a below-mediocre, boring sex film.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EBut then again, that's pretty much what I expected.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003ETess's verdict: \u003Ci\u003E\"Well that was shite.\" \u003C\/i\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cb\u003EStray notes:\u003C\/b\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cul\u003E\u003Cli\u003EWhen Ana wakes up in Christian's hotel room and he says he \u003Ci\u003E\"had no choice\"\u003C\/i\u003E but to undress her before putting her to bed. FUCK. RIGHT. OFF.\u003C\/li\u003E\u003C\/ul\u003E\u003Cul\u003E\u003Cli\u003EAlso, the bit when he crawled up onto the bed and bit the toast out of her hand was hilariously stupid. Dude, what are you doing. Fuck away off from her toast.\u003C\/li\u003E\u003C\/ul\u003E\u003Cul\u003E\u003Cli\u003EI'm not sure why the film wanted us to hate Kate, but they pretty much immediately turned us against her when she declines Ana's offer to make her a sandwich, then changes her mind and TAKES ANA'S SANDWICH OUT OF HER HAND LIKE SOME KIND OF FUCKING ANIMAL. RUDE.\u003C\/li\u003E\u003C\/ul\u003E\u003Cul\u003E\u003Cli\u003ERita Ora! With Louise Brooks hair! For about four seconds. \u003C\/li\u003E\u003C\/ul\u003E\u003Cul\u003E\u003Cli\u003EJust when we thought we were safe from the book's interminable MOTHERFUCKING EMAILS, they go and include them in the film. BOOM, EMAILED RIGHT IN THE FACE. Although at least they're streamlined down to name and message, but I'll just bet EL James was there in post-production, looking over everyone's shoulder and making the case for including timestamps and subject lines and dumbass signatures.\u003C\/li\u003E\u003C\/ul\u003E\u003Cul\u003E\u003Cli\u003EAna's old-ass flip phone. Girl.\u003C\/li\u003E\u003C\/ul\u003E\u003Cul\u003E\u003Cli\u003ETAYLOR! My hero. Also about a thousand percent sexier than anything else in the film. Just like the books. \u003C\/li\u003E\u003C\/ul\u003E\u003Cul\u003E\u003Cli\u003EJennifer Ehle, I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed. I even deployed your disapproving face as a means to tell Ana to shut up back in my first few recaps of the book. And now you do me like this. \u003C\/li\u003E\u003C\/ul\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/-tmCN2HrIo6s\/VOR_-8icm4I\/AAAAAAAAEiI\/MdVV9BXxK18\/s1600\/bennet.jpg\"\u003E \u003Cimg alt=\"\" border=\"0\" src=\"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/-tmCN2HrIo6s\/VOR_-8icm4I\/AAAAAAAAEiI\/MdVV9BXxK18\/s1600\/bennet.jpg\" id=\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5641564410206788610\" style=\"display: block; height: 411px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E(Also, last week, I was on 96fm in Cork for a chat about the books, which you can listen to \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/utv.vo.llnwd.net\/o16\/96FM\/2015\/02\/13\/1303OPINIONLINE3.mp3\" target=\"_blank\"\u003Ehere\u003C\/a\u003E, should that be of interest. I turn up around the 30 minute mark.) \u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ciframe allowtransparency=\"true\" frameborder=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" src=\"http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/plugins\/like.php?href=http%3A%2F%2Fredlemonade.blogspot.com%2F2015%2F02%2Ffifty-shades-on-film-tedious-fuckery.html\" style=\"height: 25px; width: 100%;\"\u003E\u003C\/iframe\u003E"},"link":[{"rel":"replies","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/redlemonade.blogspot.com\/feeds\/1354020814370708869\/comments\/default","title":"Post Comments"},{"rel":"replies","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/redlemonade.blogspot.com\/2015\/02\/fifty-shades-on-film-tedious-fuckery.html#comment-form","title":"13 Comments"},{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7970712784003281497\/posts\/default\/1354020814370708869"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7970712784003281497\/posts\/default\/1354020814370708869"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/redlemonade.blogspot.com\/2015\/02\/fifty-shades-on-film-tedious-fuckery.html","title":"Fifty Shades On Film - The Tedious Fuckery Continues"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"Kitty Catastrophe"},"uri":{"$t":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/profile\/08783550352881766193"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$image":{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail","width":"32","height":"32","src":"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-y1G0SXlwykI\/U-DwTouCmwI\/AAAAAAAAEN4\/M3NH_VZo0T4\/s1600\/*"}}],"media$thumbnail":{"xmlns$media":"http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/","url":"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-uWi23Ipgw_8\/VOSCOzPNgjI\/AAAAAAAAEiU\/C3GwUVIQ1p4\/s72-c\/lip.jpg","height":"72","width":"72"},"thr$total":{"$t":"13"}}]}});